Friday, April 11, 2008

Happy Birthday to Me

On Sunday, I'll turn 39. The end of the road for my thirties, and the beginning of the road for things like menopause and Matlock re-runs. Not only will this call it quits between me and what was for the most part a painful and dare I say transformative decade, but it's also one of those birthdays that falls on the day of the week I was born. I'm sure that somehow, maybe to someone who studies astrology or some sort of mysticism, this is important. Practically speaking, the liquor stores are closed in Colorado on Sundays, which means that I'll have get my shopping out of the way on Saturday if I plan on drinking alone.

I will say that, age notwithstanding, I still don't feel old, and if last night's trip to the liquor store (do you see a theme here?) means anything, I don't necessarily always look it.

I went to my friendly neighborhood liquor store last night for a bottle of wine to pour down the kid's throat before bed share with Alex. I don't usually go there, since the strip mall that it's in kind of gives me the willies, and because their prices remind me of the shower scene from Shawshank Redemption.

I was there because I was in a hurry, and in my haste, grabbed a bottle of something resembling red wine. What could possibly happen? All wine in any container smaller than a gallon is pretty much good wine. I went to the counter, where the clerk asked to see my I.D. He looked at it and laughed, looked up at me, and said in whatever accent he has, "Ha! You look so young!" We laughed together then, maybe a little too much, and then I proceeded to take home perhaps the worst tasting bottle of wine possible, which is saying something, considering that my palate is not that much more discriminating than my garbage disposal. So.

I guess I'll leave the gun and take the canolli, so to speak, and just assume that the clerk was telling the truth instead of trying to throw off my consumer spidey sense that the wine I was about to drink was nothing less awful than what a frat boy would mix up in preparation for the next backyard bash. Maybe the guy is right now having his vision checked, or the light bulbs in the store replaced. Maybe the life expectancy of the women in his country is fourteen, or maybe I just look younger than 39. Since I don't plan on going back there--ever--to ask the man in the new glasses, I get to decide that the answer is the latter. It'll be my birthday present to myself. Just in case, the next time I try my wine-buying skillz, I'll have my I.D. handy.


N.L. Belardes said...

Happy Birthday! You rock and your blog is hilarious. I love the line about the wine that you crossed out... And, hey, welcome to 39. I'm turning 40 in about 6 months. Blah to that. I can stay 39 forever like my friend Matildakay, can't I?

Thanks for offering me a LinkedIn rec. - n.l. (

MargyWrites said...

Happy birthday, Jody.

I loved this post- and you definitely must learn to check for screw tops in the future.

Maybe that's one of those things I learned in my forties...

Laura said...

Happy Birthday to you, Miss Jody!

Verna said...

A belated happy birthday to you, my as-yet unmet friend. Here's a tip about choosing a good wine: if you can pay for it with the change you found by rooting around in the sofa cushions, it's not worth drinking.

I love your blog.

amy said...

happy (super late) birthday, ms. J. from your myspace picture, you look fabulous. i myself like going into stores, restaurants, fast food places, public transportation facilities, gas stations, construction sites, etc etc and having some person of the opposite sex (or same sex, it really doesn't matter to me) let me know i don't look (a) look my age and/or (b) they'd like to go out on a date with me because they think i'm pretty hot.

many times, these people are missing teeth and wearing ripped flannel shirts. but that's okay! the POINT is that somebody out there thinks i'm hot and, so maybe they're more larry the cable guy than daniel craig the bond spy, but if i ever get truly desperate, i know i've got somebody out there to fall back on.

i can only tell the difference between red and white when it comes to wines. but give me a chocolate martini and i can tell you which chocolate liqueur and type of vodka they used in it.

when i look back on my 20's, i cringe. when i look back on my 30's, i will wince. i'm not sure what i'll do when looking back on my 40's, but i have a feeling there might be some involuntary eye twitches involved.